I'm a grasshopper.

Heavens me, I can't sleep. I wish I had a blog with a pseudonym instead of my real name. It's too embarrassing to read your own writing after all. 

Anyhow, I have another childhood memory for today. I was listen to a song about being a good little worker bee. I'm not a good little worker bee. I don't want to be (eff the man!), but it reminded me of Aesops fable, "the Grasshopper and the Ant." If you don't remember it's about a lazy foolish grasshopper who just played all summer and goofed off while the ants worked hard and prepared for the winter. When the winter came the ants were prepared and had lots of food and warmth for the winter. The grasshopper was out in the cold, but in the end the ants wanted him to come in and entertain them, and so he was saved. Here is one version of the story: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wM1DgihKHVI

Well, growing up my mom told me this story and always said I was a grasshopper. She would say, "You are such a grasshopper!" just randomly when I was being weird. And I took this as a compliment, and she meant it as a compliment! I mean she was more or less calling me lazy and irresponsible, but what she meant was that my personality was creative and that I am a free spirit. She would explain that to me, and I liked my identity as a grasshopper. She said society need grasshoppers too! (My mom was great!)

She believe grasshoppers where there to bring beauty and fun to the world.

She called her self an ant. She meant anal, a control freak and an anxious personality. And she would be right about that; she is an ant! She worked hard, and put off fun for the big picture. She thought I was really talented (I'm not, but she's my mother so she loves everything I do) and she valued my grasshopperness about me instead of trying to make me an ant. She thought I was creative and artistic. I liked to draw and write as a kid. She thought everything I did was brilliant; like a good mother should, but she would be wrong about that. It was okay for my age level, but that's the thing about growing up if you don't improve it's not impressive or good anymore. I don't write anymore.  People study to be good at it, and I'm just not. I don't do art as much anymore for the same reason.

 My point is I don't really see myself as talented or someone that the ants would want to keep around. But I think perhaps the reason has to do with what my friend said about me. When I was talking to my friends about why stranger hit on me all the time in my advance age and obese state; they said it was because I look happy. They said I sound and look happy and am approachable.Two friends separately said that---independently! It must be true, I thought, if they both said that. So, maybe that's part of being a grasshopper; being happy looking. I laugh loudly. 

Well, if that's the case I have to credit my ant mother for that. My mother consciously taught me to smile. She would point of unhappy children and say, "What's wrong with that child? She never smiles!" And so I learned that smiling was a good thing. My mom thought that kids who didn't smile lived in homes with parents who didn't smile at them, and frowny kids creeped my mom out. I didn't want to creep my mom out!  And my teachers seemed to think I was a happy kid too. She must have done something right.

Divya likes to tell me about how her parents fell in love with me the first time I meant them. She says it's because I was so smilely, and they used to call me the smiley girl. In their thick Indian accents they say to her, "Why can't you be like that smiley girl?" Divya never smiled as a kid; she was emo before emo was a thing. It's cuz her parents didn't teach her too! lol

I guess I could also credit the primary song that goes, "If you change to meet a frown, do not let it stay! Turn that frown upside down, and smile all the day!" or something like that. 

Brian is an Ant. He's very responsible and very organized. He is always so confused by my inefficient and backwards ways of doing things. I'm very lazy and it probably annoys him to death, but he also loves the crazy! I think it's good that I'm with an ant or I'd have no food for winter!

Well, that's my late night reflection on my childhood for tonight. (This reminds me of my Pollyanna complex. Maybe I'll write about that some other time.)

Pollz